...Being an expose of the pains and pleasures of DJ-ing, inspired by this week's Disco Trades Fair. Your narrator: DAVE 'The Boss' GOODMAN of Dingwall's Dancehall, London.

POSITIVELY THE worst pitfall in being a disc jockey at the local Hot And Happening club is when young morons, who generally aren't even perspiring, stick their spotty little faces into the disco booth just at the point when all hell's breaking loose on the dance floor. You've just played "Fight The Power" by the Isley Brothers, "Pussy Cat" by Sylvia (Vibration Vi 536-A on Import only) and you're just tearing into "Mighty Cloud Of Joy" by the Mighty Clouds of Joy when they have the nerve to demand, not even request mind...
    "Got any Black Sabbaf?"
    "Nope".
    "Well then, got any Uriah 'Eep?
    "Sorry man."
    "Got anyfing 'easy then?"
    "Er. listen man. I'm into playing soul music for the dancers right now man."
    "Soul music!!!" -
    "Yeah, right'"
    Some of them fellers I just can't understand, they must imagine they're there to hear all their records they've got back at home anyway, and not get into what is being laid on them. 'cause that's what the disc jockey does. He's the man most responsible, besides any live music, for raising the temperature and gettin' your energy going.
    I suppose it's true to say that a DJ. plays records that he actually likes, though sometimes I wonder, and consequently if his taste is in keeping with what's going down he should score. might even get himself a reputation.
    Reputations like those of Jeff Dexter at Tiles. Mike Vesty down the Speak', Boss Goodman at Dingwalls (what!) and Jerry Floyd in the Knowhere Club"(Get it Jerry ha! ha!)
    I mean, you put Andy "F.M. on the road with Hawkwind" Dunkley in some field full of hippies anywhere and he'll play a whole bunch of stuff you would never, ever dream existed; but see those hippies, they love it. Andy always cleans up in a field - consequently he becomes a main focus for communications etc. and his gig becomes so much more important, as does his reputation.
    But there is an awful big difference in being the resident DJ at the club a-go-go and being constantly on the road. Andy can and frequently does get away with playing just about anything you care to mention. I mean I ye even managed to convince him that it's O.K. to play "Jump Back" by Rufus Thomas alongside say, the "Fish Rising" album by Steve Hillage, and he'll get away with it. But you can't get away with playing just anything during dance time in the disco, however hard you try.
    Speaking from my own experience I can tell you all that being a resident DJ can drive you insane. I reckon if you work five nights per week for six months the tell-tale signs of fatigue start to show. You can't bear to hear' another aborted James Brown riff, you need to hear guitars, rock bands, anything, and the final sign of submission is when all you really want to play are your favourite Small Faces'45s. That's, when it's all over, or time to move on. That's what happened to Steve Mann and myself at Dingwall's Dancehall. (I'm beginning to wonder about Sandy residing there at the moment, though I haven't seen him burst into sweat yet!)
    When first given the job I found that I needed to put together a programme. At Dingwalls, anyway, the DJ can play whole sides of albums, oldies or anything during the early evening, but say around 10.30 p.m. you start spotting the ones what wanna dance so obviously you start to cater for those people.
    But what do they want to dance to? Rock, soul. Hamilton Bohannon, Rolling Stones or Bob Seeger? You re generally always OK with some Stones or Bob Marley. Stevie Wonder's always a winner, and so you start to build your show from there.
    You then start to realise that you have to be the hottest property in town, so you begin searching for new, bigger, better funky platters. The best discos stay that way by keeping ahead of the field in material used.
    So you start using imported soul records from obscure parts of America or Africa, or imported raw reggae from Jamaica. These can be purchased from a few pretty obscure record stores which you can find advertising themselves in Blues And Soul Monthly (a fine mag). I found that a mixture of imported records, all the national soul/funky hits of the time. the odd Junior Walker classic and some Stones was a winning ingredient.
    But you do have to stay subtle, even if it is just for sanity's sake. It's very easy to go overboard and play nothing but early '5Os rock 'n' roll during prime dancing time. And that's fine also when you use only 60s soul - Sam & Dave, Otis Redding etc. But you have to look out and not do this too often, cause you suddenly find the club is being classified as a place playing loads of oldies. and hence it only attracts the certain clan of person that's interested in that type of music.
    The most interesting clubs and discos are the ones that have the greatest range of different classes of people, and the hottest clubs always house the hottest musicians about. The musicians in turn attract attention to that particular club. Remember the Cromwellian, Flamingo or the early days of the Speakeasy, when gangs of musicians used to meet each other, jam together, and healthier music was produced?
    Some of those joints really used to jump during the days of swinging London.
    However. I'm going off the track here. If you're going to be a DJ, what equipment do you need? Well. I can tell you what we have installed up at Dingwalls: a pair of Garrard SP 2S MKIV's and pre-amp fitted by "Pepe" Rush Electronics (01 437 6610). a Cord Systems Audio Equalizer, and powering four Acouset cabinets we have at Crown D 150.
    Andy Dunkley's equipment for work on the road consists of two Garrard AP76's (rumble free), two 100 watt WEM slaves powering two 2 by 15 inch WEM cabinets containing X29's and Goodman's 15 inch twin cones, plus two Vita Vox GPI horns.
    Transcription decks of top hi fi quality don't make it on the road or in a disco. I mean you have to get stoned, drunk, or both to be able to get excited about the gig anyway and all that quality stuff' just gets to be too delicate.
    Things get broken and that's no fun. Come to think of it, that's the worst thing that can happen to you ... the amp blows up or you lose power or something equally unfortunate happens and you re left looking dumb and helpless.
    Playing albums at 45 rpm is the greatest DJ sin, the disc jockey's personal malfunction!
    There are great opportunities or advancement in club/disco DJ'ing - providing, of course, that you wish to make a career of it. I didn't, but I was made some unreal offers.
    Once I was approached by a representative of of Mecca Ballrooms who wanted. me to do some new-fangled Mecca circuit he had in mind. (Sorry fella, but no way). For someone such as myself, having been brought up in shadier places, and having spent six and a half years on the road with the Pink Fairies my tastes just don't mix with the ballroom chain mentality - of packing the masses in to hear Radio One jargon and Top 20 material. No I think the big ballrooms are unhealthy. Kids ought to be hanging-out in sleazier surroundings.
    I must finish by saying that there's an incredible lack of ace club bands on the circuit at the moment. The pub rock bands have been and gone, and a large vacuum has been left. The only people filling it in London seem to be F.B.I.. Shanghai and Moon and that's just not enough.
    Award of the month must go to United Artists for releasing Road Runner" by Jonathan Richman (UP 36006).
    Don't forget to go to a go go.